I Feel Like It's All My Fault
by kuku88
Summary: After the adventure of trying to save NYC, being separated from Splinter, and having an unconscious Leo with them; April, Casey, and the turtles are fleeing to April's old summerhouse. However, April's still blaming herself for the Kraang invasion. Do the turtles feel the same way? How will April hold it all in? And if she bursts, who can help comfort her? Rated K; light fluff!


_I wrote this after seeing the TMNT s2 finale, but held back on posting it. But since the finale aired on TV today, I figured I'd go for it. :)_

_I might add this to my TMNT one-shot collection, titled **"Between Us and the World"**, which you can find on my FF account right here. I haven't updated it in forever. Oops. _

_Oh, and I did indeed draw the cover. I did it quickly and lazily though..._

* * *

><p>April stared at her hands, trying not to cry. She had stayed strong for as long as she could, but now that the adventure was over... April sighed. Her heart hurt, and her body felt as if it was aching all over.<p>

The discovery that Irma was actually a Kraang spy had left a bad taste in April's mouth. Her best friend had been the enemy. April hated how stupid she had been to bring Irma to the lair, but she had been desperate. Everything was her fault. Because of her, the Kraang's invasion had finally started.

April hoped that Irma had been a real girl once upon a time, possibly kidnapped by the Kraang to impersonate. The redheaded girl sighed, covering her face with her hands.

She couldn't erase the image of her father mutating..._again_. She had failed to protect her father.

And after everything, the turtles—her best friends—had lost their lair. They had become separated from Master Splinter, and Leonardo, the eldest and the leader, was still unconscious. He was barely alive; his breathing was shallow and wounds covered his entire body. Leo's brothers were silent; sad and scared.

April couldn't forget Donatello's words: "I guess I should just tell you how I feel..." April had panicked, unsure how to respond, so she had interrupted him. She still didn't know what she was supposed to say if Donnie had ever finished his sentence.

Casey was sitting nearby, playing around with his hockey gear. April glanced at him. She liked Donnie; she really did. But she liked Casey a lot too. Both of them had protected her, and when she hugged either of them, she always meant it. April felt terrible. Casey hadn't found his father or his little sister either. They had most likely been mutated.

And Leonardo...

April hadn't been there, but she knew Leo had fought bravely. He had fought against the Shredder and the Foot Clan. Leo was always so strong; such a capable and courageous leader. He had fought for his family, all alone against the Foot. April knew Donnie blamed himself for not having agreed to Leo's plan of escaping NYC first, but she believed that everything really was _her_ fault.

She could still remember what it had been like when Raphael and Casey had finally reached her apartment. They had been eager to get going, because Kraang Prime was still chasing them. Donatello then explained that Leo wasn't with them. April could feel Raph's shock and pain. What hurt so much more was when Leo crashed into the window right at that moment. He'd been hurt pretty badly, and he was unconscious.

Leonardo would probably be extremely upset when he came to, but April knew that he'd try not to blame either Donnie or her. And yet, she almost wished that he would. They had already lost so much, and a lot of it felt like her fault. April was glad that the turtles were so forgiving. It made her wish that she was the same way. She still remembered the first time her dad had been mutated. As soon as she found out that the turtles had accidentally released all of the mutagen, she had been quick to blame them.

April closed her eyes and brought her knees closer to her chest. She could still remember Leo's sadness after Karai had been mutated. She hadn't been there, but the other turtles had told her how it had went. April knew that Leonardo really cared about Karai. Splinter was lost in his own thoughts for a long time, having lost his daughter again; whom he'd already lost to the Shredder once. Leonardo had been upset; blaming himself for Karai—or _Miwa_—'s mutation.

And then Splinter, who they had lost through the terror, had fought against the Shredder to protect those he cared about. April had seen the Shredder deliver the final blow and send Master Splinter down a drain of whirling water. The hurt in Raphael's eyes had been too much. There was so much rage and fear inside the turtle; so much so that he had burst.

Raph had been unable to do anything because of the bars that separated them from the Shredder. Oroku Saki had made his escape, probably hiding in his lair to tend to his wounds. Raph had nearly lost it. He looked like he was ready to smash anything. But then...Michelangelo had hugged him.

That was all Raphael had needed to calm down.

The sight was so heartfelt, and after the loss of Splinter, April had wanted to cry. She had told Donnie that they wouldn't run anymore. And that was when they went to get the Turtle Mech to try and defeat Kraang Prime once and for all.

They had technically failed, but they were close. Casey had come to the rescue with her father's old Party Wagon. It had been so scary; thinking back to trying to operate the Turtle Mech to defeat Kraang Prime.

"April, are you okay?"

April jumped and looked up, spotting Casey staring at her. He was sitting on the other end of the bench. They had stopped driving to her old summerhouse upstate briefly. April and Casey had gone to a small pharmacy to get some more medical supplies for Donnie. They had also needed to refuel the Party Wagon. News travelled quickly. Many people already knew about the alien invasion within New York.

April hugged her knees. "I'm fine," she said quietly.

"Are you sure?" Casey shifted, sliding closer to her. He looked concerned. "You can tell me."

She desperately wanted to start crying and hug someone for comfort, but April didn't want to break down. She hadn't endured nearly as much hurt as the turtles, and none of them were being weak. April opened her mouth and tried to repeat that she was okay, but the lump in her throat prevented her from doing so. Tears tickled April's eyes. She simply shook her head.

"...Oh, okay." Casey looked away.

Silence stretched between the two teenagers as they waited for the man behind the counter to return with some medical supplies and food. Finally, the worker appeared and handed them the items. Casey paid and glanced back at April, who was still huddled against the wall. He sighed and called for her to go.

Forcing herself up, April followed him back to their car. Donatello greeted them, taking the supplies and placing them within his toolbox. He was taking a look at Leo's injuries. Raphael sat nearby, staring out the window. Even Mikey, who was usually so loud and cheery no matter the situation, was now silent.

Casey climbed into the front of the van. "Let's eat a little," he suggested, "before driving again."

"'Kay." Donatello nodded. Both he and Casey had started to work better together, putting their rivalry aside for the moment.

April still felt sick. _Everything is my fault._ She sighed and climbed into the back for the time-being. Donatello didn't meet her gaze; he was gently wrapping some bandages around Leo's arm.

"You guys should eat something," April finally said, taking something out from her bag. They had only bought some sandwiches and pizza, but it would have to suffice for the moment.

"I can't. Not now." Donatello remained focused on his work. "Leo is top priority right now."

"Donnie..." Michelangelo looked back at his brother, his eyes sad. Not even the sight of pizza could cheer Mikey up.

Raphael sighed. "Come on, Mikey. Eat something before you go hungry."

"But you guys—" Michelangelo began to protest.

"Eat," commanded Raph. He managed a small smile. "Then I'll eat too."

Mikey sighed and reached for some of the pizza. April held it out, not protesting. After Mikey had taken three bites, Raphael nodded in satisfaction and took some pizza for himself.

"Donnie..." April turned to stare at the tech geek turtle.

Donatello sighed and caved in, finally reaching for some of the warm pizza. He took a bite, still unable to meet April's gaze.

April felt uncomfortable and guilty. Raphael started talking quietly with Casey. Michelangelo was now taking a nap. The only ones not preoccupied were April and Donnie. The teenage mutant ninja turtle with the purple bandana was still eating his pizza, keeping a weary eye on Leonardo.

Shifting awkwardly, April snuck a peek at Donatello. He looked so tired and drained. She felt bad for him; for every time she unintentionally—or even _intentionally_—turned him away. April took a deep breath. "I—"

"I think I'm full. Leo still needs attendance," Donatello interrupted.

April felt like he had struck her. "Oh...right." Pulling herself together, she reached for his toolbox. "Here, let me help."

Donnie didn't protest, but he didn't agree either.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" April asked.

"I don't know," admitted Donnie, shaking his head. "Leo's strong, but the Shredder's stronger. You saw what he did to Master Splinter. That monster doesn't have a heart."

April was silent. She didn't know how to respond to that.

"Help me bandage his other arm," Donatello finally said softly.

Doing as she was told, the redhead tied some of the white strips around Leo's other bruised and battered arm. She let out a sigh. "Okay, Donnie. I just...I want to say something."

"What?" he asked, his eyes still on Leonardo's injuries.

"...I just wanted to say thank you. And I'm sorry."

Donatello finally looked up, clearly surprised. "Pardon?"

"I mean, thank you for everything you've ever done for me. For saving me and helping my dad; just to name a few times. And...thank you for not hating me; or blaming me for the Kraang invasion. I wanted to say thanks to _all_ of you. But most of all..."

Donnie waited with baited breath and wide eyes.

"...I'm sorry about everything. I'm the one who messed it up and led the Kraang straight to the lair. Otherwise this whole invasion thing never would've—"

"April, don't blame yourself. The invasion was bound to happen sooner or later," murmured Donatello.

"But why won't _you_ blame me?" April demanded. "You know it's my fault. Even if it would've happened later on, _I'm_ the one who started it so soon."

"April, don't..."

"I'm scared, Donnie. I'm so, so scared. I'm even more scared that none of you hate me for what I've done." April finally let the tears trickle down her cheeks. "Everything is my fault. You can't deny it."

"Maybe I can't, but I won't agree either," Donatello countered calmly.

"Why!?"

"I just can't, April. I...I like you too much for that. You're one of us. I won't blame you for any of this. You're not the one in the wrong. I know all the good you've done outweighs the bad."

"Yeah; you're practically family," added Michelangelo, his eyes wide and sad. He had awoken from his nap to April's outburst. "Please don't cry."

Raphael had his arm on the carseat as he stared at the front in silence. Then turned back to look at the teenage girl in the back with his brothers. "Come on, April. You know you're stronger than this." He took a deep breath. "I don't _want_ to blame you, so you better not blame yourself either."

"It's not your fault," Casey added quietly, "don't let it get to you, Red. We need to stay focused."

April gulped, tears pooling from her eyes. "It's not fair," she finally managed to stutter, "everything isn't fair. Why does every family I end up in have to fall apart? All of us have lost someone... A-And I feel like it's my fault. It just doesn't make sense why none of you don't blame me." April wanted to disappear right at that moment. She couldn't stop herself from blurting everything out and letting all her tears fall. She was being weak and she couldn't do anything about it. "If you blame me, then that'll be the only thing right now that makes any sense!" she cried.

Suddenly, she felt two sets of arms around her. April froze, her eyes wide as tears still wetted her cheeks. She glanced at either side of her. Donnie was hugging her from beside her. Casey had reached over the car seat to hug her too. He must've heard her ranting.

"April...don't be stupid. None of us blame you and none of us will. None of us saw it coming with Irma—well, maybe I saw a little something weird in her, but still. You didn't." Casey's voice was stern but caring as he held her close.

"It's not your fault. Please don't feel bad. It hurts enough as it is; I don't want to see you sad either. Any more heartbreak and my heart really _will_ break." Donnie's tone was gentle and weak. His arms tightened around April.

April started crying again, holding the arms around her tight. The warmth they brought made her feel just a tiny bit better.

Mikey and Raph shared looks before they joined the hug. Donnie and Casey were still holding April, and she squeezed their arms close. They made April's heart feel a little less broken. _ "...Thank you guys,"_ she whispered again.

* * *

><p><em>Aww. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm trying to stay *mostly* canon, which is why there's no real romance. Just some light, sad, comforting fluff. ;w;<em>

_Review please!_


End file.
